Innocent toddlers combine, create evil poop scheme

Oh. My.

Seriously--I've got myself one dynamic duo; What Andrew and Alane wouldn't do alone, they accomplish (and more) together.

This morning, around 4:00, I wake to my little girl screaming. She couldn't stand to sleep anymore, her diaper is poopy and she wants it changed. It was a sign. Anyways, this isn't an odd occurrence. I trudge myself out of bed, clean her up, wrap her in another diaper and put her to bed. Well, not her bed. I'm too tired so I just lay her next to me in bed. I wake to my son jumping on the bed. Again not odd.

At this point I am weary and disappointed because I was up working on homework until late and hoping to sleep in. Not including Alane's diaper change, they both woke during the night--multiple times--and I was figuring they would be tired as well. No such luck.

Then I think, okay, the kids can snack and watch a little channel 8 while I sneak in a few more Z's. Unfortunately I was a little too tired to make sense of things other than I NEED SLEEP. I put together a snack for the two kiddos and turned on a favorite cartoon, then went back to bed hoping for another half hour. As I nod off, my brain doesn't process Andrew's statement, "Mom, I'm poopy." (Andrew still wears diapers to bed.)

Next thing I know, Alane is crying at the foot of my bed. She's my alarm clock, by the way. After nights like the last she is the one to get me up and at 'em.

I get up and reassure her and realize immedately that something is wrong. Don't worry--Alane and Andrew were fine.

I walk out to the strong smell of poop.

"Oh, no." I think with dread. You know, that stressful moment when you know your kids have gotten into something or made a mess and you head straight to find out what. My method is to not let my mind come up with scenarios. Things are better off that way.

At the same time I'm dreading what's coming, I ask Andrew, "What happened?" on my way to the bathroom, where I've realized the smell is coming from. At least I think it's the bathroom.

Andrew answer's "Nothing Mom." That's his typical answer these days.

This response confirms that he has done something that he knows I will be upset about.

It's when I flip on the bathroom light that I realize to what degree. I look around with disbelief. Oh holy poopy nightmare, seriously it's everywhere! It's smeared on walls and cabinets and floor and out the door to his bedroom

All I can think is thank goodness I wasn't asleep long, that Alane came and woke me. The damage was left only to bathroom and kids room. But it's enough to create enough disgust that after fixing breakfast I cleaned the bedroom and half the bathroom, lit a candle, shut the light off and shut the door, taking a break to write this.

And don't worry. That's not all. After I realized what happened--that Andrew tried to change his own diaper--I was able to end the spread. I corralled both children into the bathroom to clean. Yes I say both because it turned out Alane had another poopy diaper and dug in and joined. I'm thanking my lucky stars that my little girl knows how to walk now, otherwise there would have been a disgusting trail across the carpet I'd be scrubbing right now.

I'm convinced that both children combined were the real problem. Separate, to date, we've had no dilemma (of this sort) turn out this grand. And by grand I don't mean awesome.

Okay, gotta go. Alane has another poopy diaper.

No, I'm not joking.